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Wednesday, 16 September 2009

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  • I.Am.Dysfuctional.

    I am infected.

    Within fifteen minutes my perfected love injected me with a deadly, flesh,organ,brain eating virus.

    It's destroying me from the inside out.

    My organs are being shred into flakes.

    My brain is being manipulated into an emotionless state.

    My flesh is decaying and rotting right off my bonez.

     

    I am in so much pain.

    Physical, Emotional, Mental, Spiritual.

    I am flat lined.

     

    Just when my faith in love had been re-newed.

    Just when I had finally reached a state of happiness.

    Just when I had taken that step to put myself on the line for him.

     

    He ruined it.

    She blew it into smitherens.

     

    There is nothing but an empty, semi-gorgeous shell as to who I was.

    I am not Courtney.

    I am not Bree, Alysse, Cassie, or Katie.

     

    I just... am.

     

    I am overwhelmed by such horrifying grief, depression, frustration, misery, and anger.

    I am not happy.

     

    And as much as I scream to him.

    He can't hear me.

    He can't see me.

     

    I am at a constant state of changing who I am.

    Just so I can be happy.

    But I won't be happy.

     

    Not until I forgive myself, him, my love, and her.

     

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

  • You.Fucking.Ass.

    I can not stand the thought of you.
    Each morning I wake up, and claw the thoughts of you away from my brain.
    But you remain. Burned as a horrid scar, along with all of your terrifying memories.
    It's been a month.
    To the day.
    And you fucking haunt me.

    I clicked on your myspace today... expecting an error to pop up due to blocking.
    But there you were. Your body in tact in that perfect, chisled frame.
    You face was gone due to that horrible camera flash in a mirror.

    It sent a tidal wave of shiver pulsing through my spine.
    And for a moment.
    I still.Fucking.Loved You.

    GOD DAMN!

    I wish you knew how much I horribly hate you.
    Maybe then I'd feel better about this.

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

  • I'm Going To R.I.P. Your Head Off.

    Aaron.
    Again.
    The other day Adam and I went to the beach. YOUR beach.
    We walked the same path that you and I once did.
    We snuggled under the blanket we use to.
    I yelled at the Seagulls... just like last time.
    I thought of you the whole time. How mad you would be to see us.
    How glad I would be to see you.

    I have all planned out.
    I'll go in for a hug.... and you'll be welcoming me with open arms...
    And instead of embracing your frame, my knuckles collide into your acne smothered cheek.
    It'll be a stretch for me, but my anger for you sweats out of every single one of my pores.
    You'll be shocked. Dumbfounded. At a lost for who I've become.
    That's when I'll kick you straight on in your nuts... followed by a repeated stomping on your stomach.
    And I'll feel SO FREE! FINALLY!

    I'll finish off with another stomp on your nuts, and a spit in your eyes.
    To show who reins supreme in my world.

    Ugh, it's a fantasy that runs through my mind on an hourly track.




    But after the beach.... Adam took a wrong turn. And we ended up in front of your house.

Monday, 29 June 2009

  • Aaron.

    You've single handedly destroyed me.
    From the inside out.
    You've shredded my lungs into a microscopic bloodbath, and let my choke on blood.
    You alone, turned my stomach acid sour, and burned my belly to a crisp.
    I scream myself to sleep every night.
    And watch him sob silently at the torture I bare, yet I try to mask under the invisibilty cloak.
    You've single handedly destroyed him.
    Again.
    We both sit on edge of our relationship, waiting for the other to accidently slip into a self-induced abyss.
    I can't save him. He can't save me.
    I'd like to let you know... thanks to your devious ways... and your immaturity and disrespect for your fellow human, you almost had to bare two deaths on your hands and conscious. 
    But no.... NO! Suicide can't be blamed on someone else! Just the person that committed it.
    Insolent FOOLS! 
    You alone, Aaron....
    Caused my life to end.
    And His.

    But revenge... revenge is sweet, sleek, and silent.
    The only life you have to worry and mourn for now... is your own. 
    Because I.
    Single handedly.
    Will Kill You.
    I Alone.
    Will Destroy You.

autumn_lilly13

  • Visit autumn_lilly13's Xanga Site
    • Name: Courtney
    • Birthday: 6/13/1988
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 2/27/2008

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